a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
