I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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