Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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