there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
