Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
