you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
