my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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