I bet he comes in French.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize