I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
