people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
