Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
