I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
