i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
