my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
