I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
