About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
