I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
