Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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