ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
