You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
zippers are such a cool invention
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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