OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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