So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
