Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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