okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
