Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
