At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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