so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
