The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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