Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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