okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
