Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
