who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
