I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
