she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize