Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
