I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
