yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
