anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
