He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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