You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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