i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
