woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
