its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
