I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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