it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize