also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
