Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
