Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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