I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
