My Higher Power is John Stamos
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
