totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
