you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
