i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
