Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just cropdusted the office
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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