So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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