I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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