she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
