Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize