if only i could text you this smell
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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