Moan for me like Helen Keller
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
