I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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