I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
