He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
