Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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