Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He passed out mid-signature
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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