I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
