I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
