this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
