What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
