So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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