K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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