Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
