the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
