I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
