Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
