Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dear god my vagina.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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