Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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