How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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